My youngest daughter, Landon has been telling me she would like to write one of my blogs. I asked her what she wanted to right about and she told me, “something for kids like me.” I told her to pray about it and let me know when she was ready. That was several months ago. I honestly thought she forgot. Then yesterday she came to me with a full page, typed piece of paper. I asked if it was homework to be checked and she said, “No. It is my blog.” If I am completely honest, I wondered if it would be blog worthy. I was blown away! Here are her exact words.
Divorce is becoming more and more common everyday. It’s a problem I had to face. The thing is when there’s a divorce in your life, you don’t just lose a family member; you also lose a leader. My dad left after he made a mistake. I didn’t just have a split family; I lost someone who was supposed to lead my family and show me what to look for in a man. I’ll be honest, for a long time I was confused and angry. Part of me thought it was my fault and I wasn’t good enough for him to stay. I was hurting and lonely.
None of my friends understood and I didn’t feel like communicating my pain to my family because they were dealing with their own. I bottled it up inside and shoved my pain down deep where it grew and grew. It grew from envy to jealousy and then to loneliness and back into anger. I took it out on people and my emotions were a constant roller coaster. It was something I think everyone goes through after a divorce, but we all handle it differently. My mom had to be strong and show us she could do it on her own, even when she was dealing with her own pain. I was little and didn’t quite understand. All I knew was daddy and mommy didn’t love each other.
A divorce is different between a parent and a child. I think that is pretty obvious. A spouse loses their partner and a promise they made at the alter is broken. The fact that they were supposed to live together forever cuts deeply in someone’s heart. A child has a split family and goes back and forth between the ones they love. My dad lived in another neighborhood and I saw him on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I left my mom and went to a house where I was fed, watched a movie and then taken back home. By that time of night, I was sent to bed with a lot of questions and no words to ask them.
The part that was most painful for me was that I knew my parents would never get back together and my family would remain split without a leader. It was my mom who worked day and night to keep a roof over our head, feed us and take us to church. She gave up her time and dealt with her pain while I dealt with mine. She showed courage and did her best to be a single mom, real estate agent and a Godly leader. Personally, I think she did a pretty good job.
From the time my parents got a divorce when I was four, and up to the time my mom married Ridley when I was nine, I tried hard to forget the fact that my parents were divorced. Most of my friends didn’t have divorced parents and that reminded me that I was different. At school parties it was always the worst. Every Christmas party and Halloween party we would make something for our parents. I would have to make two of everything. There were two snowmen ornaments and two painted pumpkins. Every year it was a reminder that I was different and my parents didn’t love each other like the families around me.
When my mom got married to Ridley on July 15, 2007, I finally understood God. I understood that He had a plan for me that was greater than I could imagine and that He loved me more than anyone around me. I understood that I would have a leader now. There was someone who would show me what I would want in a man one day. There was someone who really loved my mom. I knew I was different in many ways, but I accepted it and got to work on relying on God. I made sure I had faith in Him instead of myself. I gave Him my emotions and He gave me a family that will never leave me. I praise Him every day for the tragedy He turned into a dream come true!